Nicloás Matamala Letelier is a graduate of Colegio San Anselmo in Santiago, Chile, one of the three Manquehue Movement schools. He is in his second winter term at Portsmouth, assisting with spiritual life programs in the School and joining in the liturgical life of the monastic community.

Nicolás Matamala LetelierHello, everyone. I am Nico, I am 22 years old, I study Engineering, and I am part of the Manquehue Movement. I came to Portsmouth Abbey last year, and I am very happy to be back. I am here speaking to you because Abbot Michael asked me to tell you about what I feel that God has been doing with me, and the ways in which I’ve come to know Him a little better. 

When I was 15 years old I had my first encounter with God, and I started getting to know Him. It was a moment of deep connection in prayer. I was in a very simple place and praying with others in front of a small candle and a cross, but there, in that simplicity, was where the greatness of God was revealed to me. What happened to me at that moment was certainly an encounter with God. I had never felt anything like it in my life, and the happiness and certainty that it had been something real, is maybe difficult to put across to you today. And so, from then on, a path began that has brought me here today.

I believe that the easiest way to define my relationship with God is to answer a question used by St. Benedict at the beginning of his Rule. It goes like this: “Who is the person who loves life and wants to have days of real happiness and fulfillment?” (RB 8) Clearly, my natural answer to that question is “I am a person who wants that” – and I think your answer might be the same? However, the happiness that St. Benedict is asking about points to something much deeper than simply being happy; it is having the certainty that Christ exists and that I have eternal life with Him. The happiness that God offers me is the kind of happiness that Jesus himself describes in the Gospel of St. John: “I have told you this, so that my own joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete.” (Jn 15:11) And it is certainly very different and much better than what I could achieve on my own.

Someone once told me, that we live in a way in which we are only happy when we are not sad. This made a lot of sense to me as I looked at the way I was living, at my priorities and at the things to which I was giving time. The world, and society, invite me to live in a way in which I must avoid pain at all costs and have everything under control. The idea of success that is so deeply rooted today, may seem to be studying at a good university to then get a good job, buy a house, and after that do whatever else I want, so that I can find happiness. And well, to be honest, of course those things attract me and sound good. But the truth is that they are just moments, or things that one checks off on one's personal checklist and then looks for the next item on that list. In saying this I don't mean that seeking these things is a mistake, but none of them will save me or give meaning to my life. I didn't come into the world just to achieve a couple of things: I came to find the love of God, to accept it, and to live that love. And so, this question arose within me: Am I really going to put my heart and my time into seeking momentary happiness, or am I going to choose Christ, who offers me his entire life? And that love, the love of Christ, gives me a freedom that no one else can give me, because he loves me just as I am. As it says in Isaiah: “Because you are precious in my eyes, because you are honored and I love you.” (Is 43:4)

Christ frees me from having to be successful in the eyes of others, frees me from my pride, frees me from my desire for material things. And by freeing me from all that, He takes me and leads me to Him. He shows me His path, His way, which is love. And to the extent that I open myself to God and let Him act, I really see how He is more powerful than all things. God conquers my fears, my personal problems, my anxieties or the things that take away my peace. He said: “I have told you all this so that you may find peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but be brave, I have conquered the world.” (Jn 16, 33) And that invitation is what I have decided to accept, to be aware that my life is not mine, it is God’s. That He has great plans for me, and if I let myself be guided by His love I will really be much happier. As the letter to the Ephesians says: “Glory be to him, whose power, working in us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.” (Eph 3:20)

What happened to me when I got to know God through his Word, was that he showed me that he loves me. “The Word of God is something alive and active: it cuts like any double-edged sword but more finely: it can slip through the place where the soul is divided from the spirit, or joints from the marrow; it can judge secret emotions and thoughts.” (Hb 4:12) The Lord has been teaching me and making it very clear that I am not alone, that the things that happen in my life are not an accident and that I have to trust in Him. As he says in the Letter to the Romans: “Moreover, we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.” (Rom 8:28) And it is difficult to see things this way when there are difficulties, when there is pain or injustice. But faith allows me to trust in God, even if everything else tells me that it is madness to do so. Because I know that he is a God of love, that he can do everything, and that He is eternal, that He makes long-term plans and I am invited to surrender my limited perspective and plans to him.

In this way I can understand what St. Paul says to the Corinthians: “Yes, the troubles, which are soon over, though they weigh little, train us for the carrying of a weight of eternal glory which is out of all proportion to them. And so we have no eyes for things that are visible, but only for things that are invisible; for visible things last only for a time, and invisible things are eternal.” (2 Cor 4:17-18)

Love for God is not madness or something unattainable, it is only a response to how He loves us. “We are to love, then, because he loved us first.” (1 Jn 4,19) And I invite you to discover that love, to open yourself to it. I assure you, nothing will make you happier and give you more peace than Jesus Christ. He can do everything, He knows everything and He already loves you. We have within our reach a God who promises life to us, and He keeps His promises.

Christmas, the holiday we just celebrated, is the celebration of the fulfillment of the Lord’s promise. God fulfilled his promise, he sent his Son to die for us, and to open the door to eternal life. And he fulfills his promise of love today with you, in your particular situation and in your life, “because God chose you from the beginning to be saved by the sanctifying Spirit and by faith in the truth.” (2 Thess 2:13) Just as it is written in the Book of Revelation, “Look, I stand at the door and knock” (Rev 3:20). I invite you to open your ears and heart to listen to the word that God has for you. Seek it, do not think “this is not for me.” Be clear, it is for you, you are God’s beloved child. And that, which is true for you and for me, is the best news that I have been given.

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Nicolás Letelier returned to Portsmouth this January for his second winter visit to work in the School, along with five other members of the Manquehue Apostolic Movement.